**WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ CONTAINS NO SPOILERS, BECAUSE SPOILERS SUCK**
Some eternal-deviant hybrids just want to watch the galaxy burn.
And in Marvel’s latest – and arguably most ambitious flick in the franchise to date – that villain is a gigantic and menacing force whose name alone elicits stares of dread and can pucker the asshole of even the toughest superhero.
“Tell me his name again,” a poker-faced Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) insists.
His name… is Thanos.
And as we quickly learn in the new “Avengers: Infinity War,” Thanos (Josh Brolin) is pretty much a big, purple, intergalactic bully: “He’s a plague!” Bruce Banner (Mark Ruffalo) emphatically states. “He invades planets; he takes what he wants!”
And what he wants are the half a dozen elemental crystals known to Marvel fans as Infinity Stones. Each representing an aspect of existence, these stones are pretty and colorful – and individually they pack a wallop like a donkey kick, so imagine the power all of them collectively would yield.
In the wrong hands, however, that power could mean disaster; anyone remember Ronin (Lee Pace) from “GOTG”?
And if there is any monster into whose hands these stones should never fall, it’s Thanos: “He could destroy life on a scale hitherto undreamt of.”
Doesn’t stop this brute from Fe-Fi-Fo-Fum-ing his way across the stars, looking to gather the stones and their omnipotent potential.
It’ll take one expansive team of superheroes to challenge this universal baddie and help save the world, the galaxy, the universe.
Who you gonna call? Wait, that’s wrong. You know what I mean.
Just about every character Marvel has put onscreen over the last 10 years makes an appearance (or gets a mention), and it’s possibly the greatest assembly of costumed characters in one of the most well thought-out and deftly handled stories – ever.
If you’ve seen all the stand-alone flicks, you’ll know exactly what’s going on – and you’ll probably be a little giddy over some of your favorites sharing screen time with more of your favorites. Squee!
If you haven’t – and I’m mostly stating this for my dad, who hasn’t seen “GOTG” (I KNOW!) and has refused to do so because there’s a talking raccoon (I’m sorry, Rocket; he doesn’t mean it) – but if you haven’t seen the distinct solo flicks there’s still enough offered here for you to follow the story, but you’ll be missing a lot of what makes these movies so much fun: the connections some of these players have with one another and the resulting conflict or sentiment; the intricacies of the narrative, with plot points from some of the other films better fleshed out and more nuanced here; the subtle digs and inside jokes that intricately define this character or that.
As you’d expect, the personality quirks possessed by these heroes are on display once again: Tony’s playboy arrogance; Captain America’s (Chris Evans) steadfast righteousness; Spider-Man’s (Tom Holland) youthful enthusiasm; Dr. Strange’s (Benedict Cumberbatch) serenity; Rocket’s (Bradley Cooper) maniacal obsessions – snicker; Peter Quill’s (Chris Pratt, meow) over-confidence; Drax’s (Dave Bautista) detachment from the figurative; and on, and on, and on.
“Infinity War” brings together all the characters we love to do all the things for which we love them.
Some of these characters get what they want; some of them don’t. It’s a balance.
I’m not going to even hint at who’s on which side of that equation, because that would be taking away from what you want – a full-on, kick-ass, enjoyable movie experience.
And that’s exactly what “Avengers: Infinity War” delivers.
You have just enjoyed the insights of Movie Addict Mel, a cinema dork and conversational writer. Follow her on Twitter @movieaddictmel, and “like” her Facebook page www.facebook.com/movieaddictmel. You also can email her at email@example.com.